Well, it’s been 6 days so far – to be honest, I missed Saturday’s workout because of soreness, and Sunday’s due to laziness – and I took today’s off day yesterday and will be working out today instead. I am going to be making up the two I missed this past weekend during my off days coming up so that I have done all the workouts I am supposed to have done. Saturday I just couldn’t help – my legs were in so much pain that there was no way that I was going to risk injuring myself doing that workout. Some people may see that as a copout… I see it as not wanting my damned legs to fall off.
I started taking the Joebees and the fat burners (Lipo 6 Unlimited) yesterday. I can already tell a huge increase in my energy – and I don’t feel all tweaky like I would with ephedra or caffeine or anything. I have yet to go grocery shopping, which sucks, but I have REALLY watched what I have been eating and am down almost four and a half pounds already in just the first 6 days. Goes to prove that when I say my body doesn’t naturally carry weight, it’s true. I know this kind of weight loss won’t continue – the first ten pounds always fall off easily, they say, and it’s true – but for now, it’s nice to see results. I am not basing my success or failure on the scale, because with this program building muscle the scale won’t show as much weight loss as you would think – but, it’s a good barometer. And it keeps me going seeing the numbers continuously going down, no matter how slow.
All in all, I feel great. The workouts are a screaming bitch, and my body keeps giving out at the 30 minute mark, but again… at least I am doing each workout (well, I WILL be) when I am supposed to be, and as much of them as I can. I am already FEELING healthier, which is awesome. I honestly think I can see a tiny bit of change in my body, and that’s a GREAT feeling. I have a long way to go, but I have a couple really cool things coming up when this Insanity thing ends that are keeping me focused.
One… I used to sing with a band out of Dayton called Heythere Morgan, and I recently went up and did a reunion set of sorts down in Lima on May 24th with them. I weighed 212 pounds at the time… not good. They’re playing in Columbus on August 10th – 3 days after my completion date – and I want to try to be in the 180’s by the time I go see them. Even if it’s just 189, I will have lost 23 pounds since they last saw me, and I want to see how much they notice. Also, on August 3rd, I am going to a concert with my best friend Maria, whom I haven’t seen since February – and I was close to 210 then. So I’d love for HER to notice a big change in my appearance, also…
Are these reasons vain? Yup. Do I care? No. I want to get back to feeling good, and part of that is looking good. I am so tired of being onstage singing or playing bass and knowing that I look like a stuffed sausage – I miss being in shape and looking nice up there. Especially in a cover band, there’s so much competition that you need to have an edge on people, and being all fat and slovenly is no way to get there. I am 37, after all, and I don’t look it – and I want to keep it that way, because I am getting dangerously close to looking my age – which scares the shit out of me. Besides… I know all my friends see how big I’ve gotten and are just being polite. I want that to end as soon as possible.
Doing the workout after work today before I head in to Pizza Hut for the second job. Considering that I will have to shower before heading in, and I always shower afterwards, that’ll be three showers for me today. Can’t say I lack for hygiene…
My legs are starting to hurt.
These next few days are going to be brutal… pushing through RIDICULOUS soreness while doing these crazy workouts is going to be incredibly difficult… but I’ll get through them somehow. Hell, I HAVE to – I don’t have a choice. I checked on the calendar last night, and my final day of this will be August 7th, which is ironically the day before the first Browns game of the season. Couldn’t have had better timing on THAT one!
I felt good last night when I got the workout out of the way. Marking the date on the calendar in blue, and the big checkmark in red, I really felt great. It’s almost like my days are now revolving around writing SOMETHING in this blog and making sure I did what I was supposed to do to really earn that checkmark on the calendar. It’s such a small thing, but because I really don’t like working out, every checkmark to me is basically one less strenuous workout I have to do. I look at it as a kind of countdown, I suppose.
Mentally, I am in a great place. I really can’t wait to start the proper dieting next week – that’s the easy part of all of this for me. I can eat things I already ate during the week, and just have to add the fruits and vegetables to it. The weekends will be tough at first – I realized that I don’t have a weekend free of social plans until the week after the 4th of July – but they’ll also be really gratifying when I get through them. All in all, with the eating and the supplements I will be taking (I got a multi-vitamin, I ordered those JoeBee’s things I keep hearing about on the Really Big Show on WKNR, and I also ordered some metabolism enhancers – fat burners – that have worked great for me in the past where energy is concerned), I really think that I can see some pretty staggering results.
Mostly, I am just excited to get through this and see myself at the end. It’s a difficult process, but really, the only hard part is that hour first thing in the morning when I am doing the workouts and just want to jump (well, fall – these workouts KILL my legs) out the window and end it all. Everything else is easy… sticking to a diet, not drinking on the weekends like I normally do with friends, you name it. Everything else is easy except the working out part – and that’s the shortest part of the day! So, I just have to keep focused on that.
I was in line at Subway for lunch (got a footlong Subway Club with only lettuce – no cheese, no toppings) and I was thinking to myself “this is such a big change for me.” As I thought further, I was thinking about how people do this kind of thing every day – and it dawned on me that “this is just how it is.” It isn’t a 60-day change, it isn’t something where I’m going to do this and then go back to being a slob and put all that weight back on – getting up first thing in the morning, sticking to a strict diet, remaining active throughout the day – that’s just the way life is now. I really see what people mean when they say that you have to make a lifestyle change – you can’t just do something like this as an excuse to be lazy again later. This is something that needs to be permanent.
Now, I am not saying that I am going to be doing Insanity or some crazy workout for the rest of my life – but. I AM saying that completing this and seeing the results and, more importantly, remembering how I looked and felt when I started will make this change stick. I’m TERRIFIED to go back to being who I was in the before pictures I took last night (which are harrowing, to say the least), and once this is done, I’ll be even more scared. I am learning to hate that guy.
I wish those damn supplements would get here already. I want to see what effect they have on this whole thing.
By the way… all my friends who said that I would love these workouts… they either hate me, hate themselves, or are certifiably crazy. These workouts SUCK.
Well, here goes nothing…
I am starting Insanity today. I wasn’t able to afford all the groceries this week, so I am making sure to eat really cleanly – very low cal, very low fat – till next week, when I’ll be able to get all the food and really hit the ground running with the diet. Honestly, the diet’s going to be the easy part – I will have literally NO trouble with that – but the workouts? Kill me now.
Why am I doing this (the workouts)? Because I absolutely HATE the way I look anymore. I am just disgusted with myself for how bad I have let myself go. I can’t keep looking in mirrors and car window reflections and whatnot and seeing a fat, slobbish pig looking back at me. I just can’t do it anymore. I have only told one person how awful I feel, and how bad my self image is, and in describing it to them, I actually cried. I am that ashamed of how I look. And considering that I am a very positive person generally, and am happy almost all the time – I can’t live like that.
Why am I doing this (the blog)? Because it’s kind of like a measuring stick for me. A sort of motivational trick I am pulling on myself. I figure that if I blog about this every day that I do it, it’ll keep me on track to staying with this thing. And having tried programs before – and failed miserably at them – I don’t want that to happen again. Honestly, I CAN’T let it happen again. So, here I am.
To be honest, I am terrified by this whole thing. Don’t get me wrong – I am excited for what can be at the end of this “journey” for me – but, mostly I am just terrified. And the thing I am terrified of most is myself. This isn’t a war against my weight, or getting in shape, or putting on muscle – this is a war against myself. The parts of me that hate working out, that hate not being lazy and just playing guitar or singing in my spare time… you name them. This is Me vs. Me. I look at it is “Fat Jon vs. Slender Jon” – that’s the bottom line of this whole thing to me. I can definitely succeed – I just need to conquer myself and my usual nature to do it. And that’s the hardest part.
The basic facts as they stand right now… my name is Jon. I am 37 years old, and 5’10” tall. I weighed in at 212 pounds this morning, and I would LOVE to be between 170 and 180 pounds. I see myself as at least 30 pounds overweight, but likely more. I LOVE eating and cooking for myself – I am very adept at both. The problem for me is not maintaining my weight – it’s getting it back to where I am happy with it. These last few months, my weight hasn’t fluctuated more than three or four pounds over time – so I know how to maintain. I guess that’s the silver lining here… once I get to where I want to be, I am not worried about keeping it there. Especially knowing how much I hate being this big!
You know, before ending this, I guess I do have another reason for writing this blog. I am interested to see a NORMAL person’s description of an endeavor like this. You always see the before and after pictures, and people saying “You just have to do it! And you’ll love it, trust me!” – but that’s all bullshit on a stick. You DON’T love it. Who wouldn’t rather be sitting down to a fun movie with snacks instead of sweating like hell for an hour and a half and doing something that has no fun value to it whatsoever? So, I want to write this all down and see where it ends up. See what it’s REALLY like when you go from where I am at now to where I hope to be. I guess I just want to see something real… not the fabricated or doctored up versions that you always see on television or in promotional materials.
I’m a fat guy who wasn’t ever fat before. And I am tired of being fat. So, like I said… here goes nothing…